Last Tuesday I was (for lack of a better more eloquent phrase) beaten-up.
Before you stress and your heart-rate increases by 10-fold it's not as bad as it sounds. On Tuesday's I finish school at 2pm. i walked very quickly to the tram stop and managed to catch the 2.04 tram to Hawthorn Station. As I stepped off the tram and headed across the road I looked about me to see if any of my friends had made the earl tram. Seeing no one i continued. Unfortunately a wild looking creature (of the female species) must have seen me looking about and - as she overtook me on the footpath - ejaculated "what you lookin' at bitch?" and spat her chewing gum at my feet.
Thinking this odd behaviour but pretty harmless I let her and her two large male companions overtake me. As I reached the top of the ramp to platforms 2 and 3 the girl (for lack of a more precise and yet truthful word) came up to me yelled something - i can't remember what - and shoved me in the chest and smacked/punched me across the left side of my face. I think at that point one of her male companions called to her because she walked away. I was a little shocked and my jaw went all tingly.
I saw a girl from school (Alice) who I knew and thought to myself 'if i stand with someone she won't come near me again'. I was wrong.
As we reached the platform we decided to stand as far away as possible from the ruffian and wait for some other people we knew to arrive. Within moments my attacker approached us and demanded "What chu bitches laughing at? Better not be me"
To this little Alice replied "None of your business" she was quite brave!
I had taken my hair out to cover the left side of my face; i didn't want anyone to see I was hurt. The girl (I think I'll call her 'C' to lessen confusion) hit/shoved/punched me again - I'm a bit unclear as to what she did but I remember it not being nice. I chose to walk away from her. This was a bit of a mistake because she grabbed my hair, pulled me down and punched me in the back of the head several times. I held onto my hair, closer to the roots, to prevent her from pulling any out and I think I was stronger than her because somehow I was facing her and I looked her in the face and said
"Look I don't know you, haven't spoken to you, leave me alone" or something to this extent and turned to walk away again. C aimed a kick at my back and hit my bag (it probably hurt her foot it was so packed with school books) and according to witnesses one of her companions pulled her away. It was at that point that the train arrived.
A girl I know from school, Catherine, came up to me put her arm around me and walked me onto the train. She basically held me up as I went into shock.
Alas the drama was not over: as we stood there one of C's companions walked into our carriage and approached us. He told us not to do anything about what happened, that it was just his sister and that if he hadn't pulled her off me it would have been much worse.
Catherine made him go away.
After spending an hour and a half at the police station giving my statement to a policeman who could only type with two fingers and asked me if my attacker was "Australian or New Australian" my mama took me home. I had a hot shower, rubbed arnica (anti-bruising cream) all over my face, chest and shoulders and climbed into bed where I was served toast, a cookie and a cup of sweet tea.
In retrospect when C attacked me there were at least 20 other school girls present and two middle-aged big men. None of these witnesses helped me. After the danger was over Catherine, Alice and a few others grouped around me on the train and organised for someone to stay with me at Camberwell until my train came. This was good because I was in a state of shock and need help. I cried for about three hours but finally - after having to repeat myself several hundred times to the policeman - I was able to think and speak about it without crying.
My only injuries were a sore neck and left shoulder and occasional sharp pains in the side of my face. After three days and a Bowen session I am quite recovered and all aches and pains are gone. Thanks to the arnica the bruising that had started disappeared in time for me to go to school the next day.
On the upside the detective handling my case is called Detective Sergent Beams. Yup that's right; Beams. When he introduced himself I immediately thought of the numerous crime novels I've read and was tempted to ask whether he was a character from a book. I didn't though.
The only thing that has stuck with me is slight paranoia. Now wherever I go I'm afraid I'll bump into C and her companions again. I'm afraid no one is going to help me if I get attacked. I'm afraid that if I see anyone in the situation I was in that I won't have the guts to walk over and help them. I'm afraid to go to Hawthorn Station by myself.
I figure I'm safe in the morning because C didn't look like the kind of girl to be up and about at 8 in the morning.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Some Angst Required
Well. Prepare for an intense angst rant;
I am now in VCE (have been for awhile but it hasn't really sunk in) and fuck there is a lot of work all of a sudden. I am studying History, philosophy, literature, english and international politics. oh and i'm doing Math general by DECV.
History and philosophy are my hardest subjects. they also happen to be my favourites, masochistic? i have notes to read and write in history along with 'wider reading', a who''s who to create (actually i just finished that) and a SAC to prepare for.
in philosophy i have been taking notes in class but i need to go over the readings and do extra notes so that i'm sure i understand; i have to review the whole years work, read ahead, and do old philosophy exams (from the last 4 years).
in literature i am attempting to write a book review - not so hard except for the fact i must comment on someone elses book review. apparently no one else has reviewed this book and i'm going to have to find another book to review - which i REALLY don't want to have to do. i also have to finish reading wuthering heights.
english i have to write an essay on Girl with a Pearl Earring. no big deal just time consuming.
International Politics i have a SAC on Afghanistan next week. oh ho.
and maths i just have to try not to fall behind.
this week i've already had two SACs and i have another tomorrow (History). next week i have a SAC in philosophy as well.
sigh. i feel better now :)
I've also recently joined a political group. i'm a tad wary because i don't agree with everything they propose but i have this need to be doing SOMETHING.
I want to catch up on all the news but i am running out of time to read the paper and then find other sources of info to compare with. i hardly have any time to read either. oioioioi i hope this stops/slows down soon. tomorrow i shall be picking up a book i've been wanting for ages and on Monday the next in a series i love is coming out and i want to read them both (plus the 2 books i'm currently reading) but something tells me that shan't be happening.
i shall not even go into my boy situation. sigh. ok i will but just quickly; i didn't tell the guy i like that i like him because he told me he liked a friend of ours :( nothing came of it because she doesn't like him but that pretty much spells out that he doesn't like me in that way. i know it will happen when it happens but i want it to happen NOW!
my best-friend recently told me that i've become a bitch in the last few months and this concerns me. i don't want to be a bitch... i've just stopped being so polite and started speaking my mind. should i tone it down?
at school i'm feeling a tad alienated. leaving and then coming back has made things harder. my friendships have changed and i'm not a solid part of any group; i just seem to 'hang' with people. there are people i love hanging round with but do they like hanging round with me? and they're all so separate from each other (well not ALL but most). i miss a lot of the friendships i used to have and regret some of the new ones.
i'm also feeling very socially alienated. i don't get to go out much because my family has a 'two outings a term' rule. grrrrrrrrrrrr
i don't watch tv anymore and don't really miss it that much but occasionally i just want to veg out infront of the telly and go blank. no time for that though.
enough. be happy...
I am now in VCE (have been for awhile but it hasn't really sunk in) and fuck there is a lot of work all of a sudden. I am studying History, philosophy, literature, english and international politics. oh and i'm doing Math general by DECV.
History and philosophy are my hardest subjects. they also happen to be my favourites, masochistic? i have notes to read and write in history along with 'wider reading', a who''s who to create (actually i just finished that) and a SAC to prepare for.
in philosophy i have been taking notes in class but i need to go over the readings and do extra notes so that i'm sure i understand; i have to review the whole years work, read ahead, and do old philosophy exams (from the last 4 years).
in literature i am attempting to write a book review - not so hard except for the fact i must comment on someone elses book review. apparently no one else has reviewed this book and i'm going to have to find another book to review - which i REALLY don't want to have to do. i also have to finish reading wuthering heights.
english i have to write an essay on Girl with a Pearl Earring. no big deal just time consuming.
International Politics i have a SAC on Afghanistan next week. oh ho.
and maths i just have to try not to fall behind.
this week i've already had two SACs and i have another tomorrow (History). next week i have a SAC in philosophy as well.
sigh. i feel better now :)
I've also recently joined a political group. i'm a tad wary because i don't agree with everything they propose but i have this need to be doing SOMETHING.
I want to catch up on all the news but i am running out of time to read the paper and then find other sources of info to compare with. i hardly have any time to read either. oioioioi i hope this stops/slows down soon. tomorrow i shall be picking up a book i've been wanting for ages and on Monday the next in a series i love is coming out and i want to read them both (plus the 2 books i'm currently reading) but something tells me that shan't be happening.
i shall not even go into my boy situation. sigh. ok i will but just quickly; i didn't tell the guy i like that i like him because he told me he liked a friend of ours :( nothing came of it because she doesn't like him but that pretty much spells out that he doesn't like me in that way. i know it will happen when it happens but i want it to happen NOW!
my best-friend recently told me that i've become a bitch in the last few months and this concerns me. i don't want to be a bitch... i've just stopped being so polite and started speaking my mind. should i tone it down?
at school i'm feeling a tad alienated. leaving and then coming back has made things harder. my friendships have changed and i'm not a solid part of any group; i just seem to 'hang' with people. there are people i love hanging round with but do they like hanging round with me? and they're all so separate from each other (well not ALL but most). i miss a lot of the friendships i used to have and regret some of the new ones.
i'm also feeling very socially alienated. i don't get to go out much because my family has a 'two outings a term' rule. grrrrrrrrrrrr
i don't watch tv anymore and don't really miss it that much but occasionally i just want to veg out infront of the telly and go blank. no time for that though.
enough. be happy...
Friday, July 27, 2007
A decision and a dilemma
It hasn't even been 12 hours since my last post. But I've made up my mind on a couple of things...
Boy Number 1 is dangerous ground and it took a long time to get over him. He wasn't particularly nice (and yet he could be wonderful) and had some sides that I didn't like. I've decided I also don't want to be his friend again. This is a decision I've made but I'm worried that as soon as he comes calling I'm going to crumble. About 3 months after we had our 'falling out' I was very rarely thinking about him and I wasn't really curious. Then when I found out he wanted to be friends again all the old curiosities came back. They are not welcome in my head. I was hesitant at first about writing about him on the net (for some stupid reason i feared he would find out/be curious/be keeping tabs on my blogs and realise it was him I was talking about) I now realise that this was a stupid concern. I doubt very much he's ever clicked on the link from my myspace to this blog. i recently found out that he has a girlfriend and all the questions I'd stopped caring about suddenly pushed to the front of my mind and demanded answers; "why - even during our non-anything - would he make eyes at me and kiss all my friends?" "why was it ok to put others in 'danger' and not me?" "if what he said was true then why does it make his reaction and the circumstances different with her?"
I wish I didn't care. There is no way I want to be around him anymore, and no way I want to fall back into that hole; but I can't help wishing for closure.
Once before I managed very effectively to push him out of my head and now I'm hoping for the strength to do it again and this time forever.
My dilemma (or should I say my other dilemma?) is this: Boy Number 2.
It is quite clear that I've got a bit of a crush on him. One I'm not forcing myself to have :) this is good and bad. Good because it gives me something to think about and want :p and bad because I torn between telling him outright (which has previously got me nowhere and just made things awkward) and subtly flirting. I suck at flirting and after reading the advice from Miss M I am inclined against it. I want to be outright but will that just scare him off? Does he have a crush on me and is just waiting for a sign? I sure hope so.
My idea is as follows: tonight/next time we talk I shall say something along the lines of "I hope you don't mind but I've got a bit of a crush on you". What do you think? Too icky? Should I say it at the beginning or just before i get off the phone?
In need of support and advice (and a clear head and guts and courage)
Z
Boy Number 1 is dangerous ground and it took a long time to get over him. He wasn't particularly nice (and yet he could be wonderful) and had some sides that I didn't like. I've decided I also don't want to be his friend again. This is a decision I've made but I'm worried that as soon as he comes calling I'm going to crumble. About 3 months after we had our 'falling out' I was very rarely thinking about him and I wasn't really curious. Then when I found out he wanted to be friends again all the old curiosities came back. They are not welcome in my head. I was hesitant at first about writing about him on the net (for some stupid reason i feared he would find out/be curious/be keeping tabs on my blogs and realise it was him I was talking about) I now realise that this was a stupid concern. I doubt very much he's ever clicked on the link from my myspace to this blog. i recently found out that he has a girlfriend and all the questions I'd stopped caring about suddenly pushed to the front of my mind and demanded answers; "why - even during our non-anything - would he make eyes at me and kiss all my friends?" "why was it ok to put others in 'danger' and not me?" "if what he said was true then why does it make his reaction and the circumstances different with her?"
I wish I didn't care. There is no way I want to be around him anymore, and no way I want to fall back into that hole; but I can't help wishing for closure.
Once before I managed very effectively to push him out of my head and now I'm hoping for the strength to do it again and this time forever.
My dilemma (or should I say my other dilemma?) is this: Boy Number 2.
It is quite clear that I've got a bit of a crush on him. One I'm not forcing myself to have :) this is good and bad. Good because it gives me something to think about and want :p and bad because I torn between telling him outright (which has previously got me nowhere and just made things awkward) and subtly flirting. I suck at flirting and after reading the advice from Miss M I am inclined against it. I want to be outright but will that just scare him off? Does he have a crush on me and is just waiting for a sign? I sure hope so.
My idea is as follows: tonight/next time we talk I shall say something along the lines of "I hope you don't mind but I've got a bit of a crush on you". What do you think? Too icky? Should I say it at the beginning or just before i get off the phone?
In need of support and advice (and a clear head and guts and courage)
Z
continuing on
well it's past midnight and I'm still awake. i would hi-five myself (my favourite thing to do at the moment... no to myself though... unless it's necessary) but I'm lacking the energy. However I do still have the energy to write this.
Someone once told me that my blog theme was teen angst. It's probably true. So I'm not going to disappoint:
I have turmoil over two boys at the moment. Drama! One is an old flame, we had a falling out and now he wants to be 'part of my life again'. My spider-sense is telling me to back away, turn around and run as far and fast as possible without looking back. Unfortunately I'm strong but not that strong and i have a desperate need for some form of closure. I am, however, determined not to make first contact. If he wants to be friends he can make the effort.
Ahem...
The other boy is by far the better. He is smart, kind, funny, healthy, nice, caring, quirky, kinky, cute, likes to get naked, can talk for hours with no awkwardness and so on. One slight problem: I have NO IDEA how to flirt with him or let him know I like him without just saying it - which I am not going to do; I've made that mistake before and am all for learning from it. Apparently I am a 'natural flirt' this is not such a bad thing except when you actually want someone to pick-up that you're flirting and they think you're just being normal.
I am also terrified. I hate being rejected (doesn't everyone?) and it seems that that's all that happens when I put my emotions out there. So no more emotion-putting-out for me.
When I think of boy-number-1 I feel worried and concerned and confused and definitely not happy. Boy-number-2, however, gives me butterflies and makes me smile and I'm always hoping he's going to call. I really should pluck up the courage and call him...
It is clear which is the right choice and yet here I am frowning away and wrinkling my forehead; damn. I dunno what it is about BN1 but he's definitely not good news and definitely not a good idea. Actually I know exactly what it is about BN1 and I can just hope that when he comes calling I have the metal to resist. I also hope I have the metal and the know-how to convince BN2 that I have some good qualities and that he should be interested in me... and that he has a chance.
Well anyway even if I haven't resolved any issues at least I've finally posted another blog.
Open to any advice (mostly on flirting obviously... also on how to avoid falling into a hole I just climbed out of)
Z xox
Someone once told me that my blog theme was teen angst. It's probably true. So I'm not going to disappoint:
I have turmoil over two boys at the moment. Drama! One is an old flame, we had a falling out and now he wants to be 'part of my life again'. My spider-sense is telling me to back away, turn around and run as far and fast as possible without looking back. Unfortunately I'm strong but not that strong and i have a desperate need for some form of closure. I am, however, determined not to make first contact. If he wants to be friends he can make the effort.
Ahem...
The other boy is by far the better. He is smart, kind, funny, healthy, nice, caring, quirky, kinky, cute, likes to get naked, can talk for hours with no awkwardness and so on. One slight problem: I have NO IDEA how to flirt with him or let him know I like him without just saying it - which I am not going to do; I've made that mistake before and am all for learning from it. Apparently I am a 'natural flirt' this is not such a bad thing except when you actually want someone to pick-up that you're flirting and they think you're just being normal.
I am also terrified. I hate being rejected (doesn't everyone?) and it seems that that's all that happens when I put my emotions out there. So no more emotion-putting-out for me.
When I think of boy-number-1 I feel worried and concerned and confused and definitely not happy. Boy-number-2, however, gives me butterflies and makes me smile and I'm always hoping he's going to call. I really should pluck up the courage and call him...
It is clear which is the right choice and yet here I am frowning away and wrinkling my forehead; damn. I dunno what it is about BN1 but he's definitely not good news and definitely not a good idea. Actually I know exactly what it is about BN1 and I can just hope that when he comes calling I have the metal to resist. I also hope I have the metal and the know-how to convince BN2 that I have some good qualities and that he should be interested in me... and that he has a chance.
Well anyway even if I haven't resolved any issues at least I've finally posted another blog.
Open to any advice (mostly on flirting obviously... also on how to avoid falling into a hole I just climbed out of)
Z xox
Friday, June 15, 2007
A Phone Call from the Past
Well surprise surprise! I got a phone call this evening; at about 9.30pm. It was from a guy I used to know. I haven't seen or spoken to this guy in at least two years. We were pretty good friends and then - because he couldn't deal with the weirdness of me - he distanced himself from me and I've heard nothing since. So you can understand my surprise when he called. I didn't even recognise the number!
Anyway he called to 'say goodbye'. At first I thought he meant he was going to die (over reaction i know but he was pretty depressed when I knew him) but it turns out that he is moving to another country permanently and will only return if the girl he loves tells him to.
I was like 'umm okay... have a great time'. It was so strange! Anyway, we talked for about 3 minutes and then it was over. My blast from the past lasted 3 minutes. *chuckles*
It was bizarre and completely out of the blue but caused me some amusement and reflection on what happened way-back-then.
Anyway he called to 'say goodbye'. At first I thought he meant he was going to die (over reaction i know but he was pretty depressed when I knew him) but it turns out that he is moving to another country permanently and will only return if the girl he loves tells him to.
I was like 'umm okay... have a great time'. It was so strange! Anyway, we talked for about 3 minutes and then it was over. My blast from the past lasted 3 minutes. *chuckles*
It was bizarre and completely out of the blue but caused me some amusement and reflection on what happened way-back-then.
Saturday, June 2, 2007
The House in which i am imprisoned
I live in a beautiful place. This is a fact I happily accept; especially lately. With all this rain (hooray!) our backyard has been glittering and shining and all different shades of green. Despite the beauty i am surrounded with, and despite the fact that i love it very much and the rainy season is my favourite time of year, I cannot help feeling just a little trapped.
Because I am doing homeschooling until the end of semester I rarely - if ever - leave the house. Of course I could walk down the hill to the shops and buy something but then I'd have to walk back. And I'd have to spend money on something I don't need and don't want. I'm not big on pointless buying... So this leaves me at home all day everyday.
I get up anytime between 8.30am and 10.30am, I usually eat something (either left over dinner from the night before or crumpets) then settle myself down on the couch in front of the coffee table. The kitchen table has been out of operation for the last week or so (along with the phones and internet) thus me camping on the couch in the living room. Now it would make sense that since I'm sitting in front of the table with my work spread out and having the whole house to myself all day everyday that I would get a substantial amount of work done. It would make sense that I'd be able to catch up on the four weeks I missed. Unfortunately that didn't happen. Or should I say that 'hasn't' happened?
I tend to spend the first 2-4 hours awake watching TV series on DVD (the time I devote to this task varies depending on how early I wake up). then i begin working. Very slowly... it just seems to take so to do so little.
After two weeks of spending all my time in my little world i seem no closer to catching up, because - unfortunately for me - no matter how far behind you are and how hard you wish time just keeps on going. Even though time is a concept made up by humans it still manages to control our lives. Wouldn't it be wonderful if it were possible to completely ignore time? Just think of the time (haha) you could spend on anything you wanted and not be worried about 'wasting' it.
Ahem...
quick update on the fish :)
I've spoken of the first 10. Yesterday my sister brought me 4 new fish. 1 male guppy (blue, he shimmers when he swims), 1 female guppy (white and pink), and 2 fish which she doesn't know the name of - hence i don't know the name of them. 1 is white and the other is orange and white, they're both males and have fantastic fins and tails (high fin, arch tail).
Today I gave 2 of my teenage male guppies (the one with the orange fin and the one with the ultra violet/blue fin and orange tails) to a dear friend who's fish had died (not all of them just some). I kept the male with the orange tail and the blue fin with an orange spot. I decided to call him Steve. I love the name Steve. He's the only one I've named so far. I wanna make sure I'm keeping the girls before i name them and I haven't found any names that fit for my new fish. I also have 9 babies. Five arrived today :) but I have NO IDEA where they came from! all the girls are pregnant but only one is pink and white; but I've only had her 1 day and when she arrived she wasn't pregnant. It's very strange.
Well that's all I spose...
Because I am doing homeschooling until the end of semester I rarely - if ever - leave the house. Of course I could walk down the hill to the shops and buy something but then I'd have to walk back. And I'd have to spend money on something I don't need and don't want. I'm not big on pointless buying... So this leaves me at home all day everyday.
I get up anytime between 8.30am and 10.30am, I usually eat something (either left over dinner from the night before or crumpets) then settle myself down on the couch in front of the coffee table. The kitchen table has been out of operation for the last week or so (along with the phones and internet) thus me camping on the couch in the living room. Now it would make sense that since I'm sitting in front of the table with my work spread out and having the whole house to myself all day everyday that I would get a substantial amount of work done. It would make sense that I'd be able to catch up on the four weeks I missed. Unfortunately that didn't happen. Or should I say that 'hasn't' happened?
I tend to spend the first 2-4 hours awake watching TV series on DVD (the time I devote to this task varies depending on how early I wake up). then i begin working. Very slowly... it just seems to take so to do so little.
After two weeks of spending all my time in my little world i seem no closer to catching up, because - unfortunately for me - no matter how far behind you are and how hard you wish time just keeps on going. Even though time is a concept made up by humans it still manages to control our lives. Wouldn't it be wonderful if it were possible to completely ignore time? Just think of the time (haha) you could spend on anything you wanted and not be worried about 'wasting' it.
Ahem...
quick update on the fish :)
I've spoken of the first 10. Yesterday my sister brought me 4 new fish. 1 male guppy (blue, he shimmers when he swims), 1 female guppy (white and pink), and 2 fish which she doesn't know the name of - hence i don't know the name of them. 1 is white and the other is orange and white, they're both males and have fantastic fins and tails (high fin, arch tail).
Today I gave 2 of my teenage male guppies (the one with the orange fin and the one with the ultra violet/blue fin and orange tails) to a dear friend who's fish had died (not all of them just some). I kept the male with the orange tail and the blue fin with an orange spot. I decided to call him Steve. I love the name Steve. He's the only one I've named so far. I wanna make sure I'm keeping the girls before i name them and I haven't found any names that fit for my new fish. I also have 9 babies. Five arrived today :) but I have NO IDEA where they came from! all the girls are pregnant but only one is pink and white; but I've only had her 1 day and when she arrived she wasn't pregnant. It's very strange.
Well that's all I spose...
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
The Fish
So, in case you don't know much about me, i have one great and constant love in my life (apart from Seb of course ;p) this happens to be my fish. we have gone through some trying times - including several deaths, lots of sex (between the fish and the other fish - not me), several successful births and many miscarriages, a few murders, attacks, isolation issues and cannibalism - but the love has always been there... somewhere. the most trying time, on my part at least, was leaving for three months and trusting them in the care of a dear friend. my fishies are guppies and of the three adults (quite old for guppies) and the 20-40 babies i left behind only one adult and 11 babies survived. this was better then i expected - not because of bad caring but because fish can be incredibly hard to keep alive and since the babies enjoy ganging up on each other and eating the loser i was impressed that 11 lived.
Now, instead of being microscopically small and without any colour, they are the length of my thumb nail and very brightly coloured (mixes of blue, gold and orange/red - i am such a good carer). the girls (6) all have gold bodies, blue fins and a gold tail with a tiny dot or a line of red near the top of the tail. the boys (4) are all identical to the adult - silver body with gold and blue dots (one of each colour) and a red/orange tail but, unlike the adult, they have a dark outline around their tails and fins. each one is marginally different.
i know you're thinking i can't add up because 6 + 4 does not make 11 babies but late last night tragedy struck. i was heading off to bed and on my way i checked on my beautiful fishies (just coz i love to look at them) and i caught them all swimming around and nipping the youngest and smallest fish. she had died and they had eaten her fins and tail off (I'm not sure if it was before or after she died). it gets a tad frustrating when they eat each other even though I've I'll ready fed them for the day. its seems fish are perpetually hungry. i was most sad and carefully removed her and put her down the toilet (fishy burial ground) feeling a tad remorseful that i hadn't had the chance to name her.
however the others are all still happy and healthy and being very social. Guppies are surface fish; meaning they hang round the top of the tank at the water line and rarely go onto the bottom - unless searching for food. when you approach the tank the immediately swim up to the glass and follow your finger. they love people and light and are total party fishies.
for my birthday Boy and Girl (aka my brother and sister) gave me a 3ft fish tank. it was the one I'd been dreaming of buying since i first got fish. it was the tank i had shown Girl in the store and said "when i get back from Sweden I'm going to get this one". it was the tank that i couldn't afford and now it was mine. you can imagine my glee and the euphoric state it put me in and i still get a buzz every time i lay eyes on it - even thinking about it gives me a thrill.
the day after i received the tank Girl took me to the fish store so i could buy the necessaries: gravel, heater, light, filter. i had the most fun setting it up. it was a way of getting my homework done; every time i completed something i could spend a little more time on my tank. it looks fantastic. i have red/brown gravel on the bottom (washed thoroughly by my papa), a big heater keeping it at approx 25-28 degrees (perfect for tropical fish), a MASSIVE heater which makes a wonderful running water sound until you push it under the water - it made such a nice sound that no one could sleep and made the boys need to pee - a few plants from the old tank and the center piece. the item that completes the tank: a pirate ship wreck. yes that's right a pirate ship. think Pirates of the Caribbean people! i put a plant in the bottom of it so it looks like it has been there for centuries and things are growing out of it... which they are.
so after i had set up the tank (completed on Monday night) and added the necessary elements to the water (hardening salts and ph up powder and good bacteria) i left it to mature for a few days. this is necessary to prevent shocking the fish and overloading the system when the fish are introduced. it gets the cycle going.
today was the big day. after working on my philosophy SAC for a few hours i approached the tank with care and checked its vitals (temp, light, water) everything was good. i then removed the lid. going over to the little tank (right beside the big one) i scooped out some fish with my scooping container and let them slowly swim into their new, improved and giant home. when they didn't die immediately i add the other fish. everything was OK!
i then go the pleasure of watching them explore and swim about. they didn't venture down to the ship but swam around the top and enjoyed attempting to swim across the filter outlet (where all the clean water comes out) without getting spun away. most amusing :)
this is far to long but i just wanted to convey how happy their happiness makes me, how much i missed them, how excited i am bout the new tank and how much I'm looking forward to going Fish Shopping.
Now, instead of being microscopically small and without any colour, they are the length of my thumb nail and very brightly coloured (mixes of blue, gold and orange/red - i am such a good carer). the girls (6) all have gold bodies, blue fins and a gold tail with a tiny dot or a line of red near the top of the tail. the boys (4) are all identical to the adult - silver body with gold and blue dots (one of each colour) and a red/orange tail but, unlike the adult, they have a dark outline around their tails and fins. each one is marginally different.
i know you're thinking i can't add up because 6 + 4 does not make 11 babies but late last night tragedy struck. i was heading off to bed and on my way i checked on my beautiful fishies (just coz i love to look at them) and i caught them all swimming around and nipping the youngest and smallest fish. she had died and they had eaten her fins and tail off (I'm not sure if it was before or after she died). it gets a tad frustrating when they eat each other even though I've I'll ready fed them for the day. its seems fish are perpetually hungry. i was most sad and carefully removed her and put her down the toilet (fishy burial ground) feeling a tad remorseful that i hadn't had the chance to name her.
however the others are all still happy and healthy and being very social. Guppies are surface fish; meaning they hang round the top of the tank at the water line and rarely go onto the bottom - unless searching for food. when you approach the tank the immediately swim up to the glass and follow your finger. they love people and light and are total party fishies.
for my birthday Boy and Girl (aka my brother and sister) gave me a 3ft fish tank. it was the one I'd been dreaming of buying since i first got fish. it was the tank i had shown Girl in the store and said "when i get back from Sweden I'm going to get this one". it was the tank that i couldn't afford and now it was mine. you can imagine my glee and the euphoric state it put me in and i still get a buzz every time i lay eyes on it - even thinking about it gives me a thrill.
the day after i received the tank Girl took me to the fish store so i could buy the necessaries: gravel, heater, light, filter. i had the most fun setting it up. it was a way of getting my homework done; every time i completed something i could spend a little more time on my tank. it looks fantastic. i have red/brown gravel on the bottom (washed thoroughly by my papa), a big heater keeping it at approx 25-28 degrees (perfect for tropical fish), a MASSIVE heater which makes a wonderful running water sound until you push it under the water - it made such a nice sound that no one could sleep and made the boys need to pee - a few plants from the old tank and the center piece. the item that completes the tank: a pirate ship wreck. yes that's right a pirate ship. think Pirates of the Caribbean people! i put a plant in the bottom of it so it looks like it has been there for centuries and things are growing out of it... which they are.
so after i had set up the tank (completed on Monday night) and added the necessary elements to the water (hardening salts and ph up powder and good bacteria) i left it to mature for a few days. this is necessary to prevent shocking the fish and overloading the system when the fish are introduced. it gets the cycle going.
today was the big day. after working on my philosophy SAC for a few hours i approached the tank with care and checked its vitals (temp, light, water) everything was good. i then removed the lid. going over to the little tank (right beside the big one) i scooped out some fish with my scooping container and let them slowly swim into their new, improved and giant home. when they didn't die immediately i add the other fish. everything was OK!
i then go the pleasure of watching them explore and swim about. they didn't venture down to the ship but swam around the top and enjoyed attempting to swim across the filter outlet (where all the clean water comes out) without getting spun away. most amusing :)
this is far to long but i just wanted to convey how happy their happiness makes me, how much i missed them, how excited i am bout the new tank and how much I'm looking forward to going Fish Shopping.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
The Dramas of Returning
i just recently returned from Sweden. yes it was fantastic. words can't describe the fun and good times had by all... actually they probably could but I'm to lazy to go into details.
I've been home a week and am getting a tad tired of hearing "so tell me about Sweden" please if you're going to ask, ask specific questions (or at least one), give me something to start with because as soon as i hear "tell me about Sweden" my mind goes completely blank.
so tonight, being Tuesday, i went to my dancing class. i must say that yes it was 'my' dancing class. when it first began i roped all my dear friends (who lived relatively close) into coming with me to learn Ballroom Latin - a few steps (haha) away from Street Latin but I'm sure I'll get there in the end. about 3 or 4 months in i left to go to Sweden and they all continued dancing - needless to say in 3 months they learnt quite a bit. so tonight i went along to see if i could catch up or if i had to change classes. Luckily for me i have wonderful friends who took the time to show me the new steps and i was able to pick it all up with minimal dizziness and no falling over (phew).
This dancing session not only taught me several new moves (one of which was called 'swing' i ain't never seen swing like that before! i call it Ballroom Swing) but made me realise something about myself. something I've been trying to avoid admitting to myself. I am an obsessive and possessive person.
An example: one of above mentioned dear friends is a boy. (A couple of them are boys but we'll focus on the issue at hand.) We are pretty close and have known each other for just over a year. we used to spend at least an hour together everyday and our friendship is one that is made up of flirting, making fun of each other (mostly him making fun of me and me retaliating by telling him to shut-up - but not in a mean way its all very.... in jokey behaviour.), and not being to touchy-feely - like some messed up friendships I've had - but still being able to a) hug or b) beat each other up.
Now a about a week or two after i left for Sweden said boy got a girlfriend - the first the whole time that I've known him. Said boy and i had always been single together and I'd introduced him to a couple of my girls but he told me he just didn't want a relationship, i was perfectly fine with this. so for almost 3 months I've been hearing about The Girlfriend not an overload mind, but he's pretty into her (as far as i can tell with this being the first time I've seen him in a couple). apparently she heard all about me too.
So i was excited about meeting this new addition to our group. As i walked towards her i realised that i already new her and was 'friends' with her big sister. we had a moment where we chatted and exchanged pleasantries and then headed off to dancing. Said Boy was very good at dividing his limbs and time between us. but i must confess that i found The Girlfriend rather irritating and annoying. she's nice she's just.... i dunno a combination of tooo chatty and tooo much information (not in a bad way just unnecessary) and i must confess she took up tooooooo much of Said Boy's time.
i don't know if i have a crush on Said Boy or whether I'm just jealous that he has to spend less time with me now. i pride myself on acting - very convincingly - very cool and collected and not letting on how much this situation got to me. Usually when we went dancing I would spend almost the whole time dancing with Said Boy and he's a pretty good dancer :) but now i had to spend even less time with him and i had so much fun when he would take me in his arms and show me how to do certain steps i was struggling with. have you ever done a dip? to me a dip is a pretty ... sexual move; all about relying on the other person (which I'm not good at) and being held in a very... close and... provocative way - at least that's they way it feels. I have a lot of trouble with the dip because it makes me feel awkward and i hate relying on someone else to hold up my body weight - even though I'm doing most of the holding (if you've done a dip you'll know what i mean). Yet with Said Boy i can do it, it all goes smoothly - after a few tries - and i can dip.
later on the way home my friend (who was giving me a lift) said that Said Boy only acts bossy and like he did at dancing when I'm around. Does this mean I'm a bad influence? Does it mean there's something else between us? Does this mean anything???
but what I've realized is that I'm possessive of Said Boy and a couple of other guys I've known for a long time and who have been single for awhile. It's not just single guys that I'm possessive of it's also close or good friends; i get jealous when they hang with other people when I'm not around and I'm always paranoid that I'm missing out on something. yet... i hope that I'm not and i wish i could stop it. The best i can do is pretend; put on my smiling face and talk my head off and let everyone know I'm just fine and happy for my friends and their new partners/friends.
I've been home a week and am getting a tad tired of hearing "so tell me about Sweden" please if you're going to ask, ask specific questions (or at least one), give me something to start with because as soon as i hear "tell me about Sweden" my mind goes completely blank.
so tonight, being Tuesday, i went to my dancing class. i must say that yes it was 'my' dancing class. when it first began i roped all my dear friends (who lived relatively close) into coming with me to learn Ballroom Latin - a few steps (haha) away from Street Latin but I'm sure I'll get there in the end. about 3 or 4 months in i left to go to Sweden and they all continued dancing - needless to say in 3 months they learnt quite a bit. so tonight i went along to see if i could catch up or if i had to change classes. Luckily for me i have wonderful friends who took the time to show me the new steps and i was able to pick it all up with minimal dizziness and no falling over (phew).
This dancing session not only taught me several new moves (one of which was called 'swing' i ain't never seen swing like that before! i call it Ballroom Swing) but made me realise something about myself. something I've been trying to avoid admitting to myself. I am an obsessive and possessive person.
An example: one of above mentioned dear friends is a boy. (A couple of them are boys but we'll focus on the issue at hand.) We are pretty close and have known each other for just over a year. we used to spend at least an hour together everyday and our friendship is one that is made up of flirting, making fun of each other (mostly him making fun of me and me retaliating by telling him to shut-up - but not in a mean way its all very.... in jokey behaviour.), and not being to touchy-feely - like some messed up friendships I've had - but still being able to a) hug or b) beat each other up.
Now a about a week or two after i left for Sweden said boy got a girlfriend - the first the whole time that I've known him. Said boy and i had always been single together and I'd introduced him to a couple of my girls but he told me he just didn't want a relationship, i was perfectly fine with this. so for almost 3 months I've been hearing about The Girlfriend not an overload mind, but he's pretty into her (as far as i can tell with this being the first time I've seen him in a couple). apparently she heard all about me too.
So i was excited about meeting this new addition to our group. As i walked towards her i realised that i already new her and was 'friends' with her big sister. we had a moment where we chatted and exchanged pleasantries and then headed off to dancing. Said Boy was very good at dividing his limbs and time between us. but i must confess that i found The Girlfriend rather irritating and annoying. she's nice she's just.... i dunno a combination of tooo chatty and tooo much information (not in a bad way just unnecessary) and i must confess she took up tooooooo much of Said Boy's time.
i don't know if i have a crush on Said Boy or whether I'm just jealous that he has to spend less time with me now. i pride myself on acting - very convincingly - very cool and collected and not letting on how much this situation got to me. Usually when we went dancing I would spend almost the whole time dancing with Said Boy and he's a pretty good dancer :) but now i had to spend even less time with him and i had so much fun when he would take me in his arms and show me how to do certain steps i was struggling with. have you ever done a dip? to me a dip is a pretty ... sexual move; all about relying on the other person (which I'm not good at) and being held in a very... close and... provocative way - at least that's they way it feels. I have a lot of trouble with the dip because it makes me feel awkward and i hate relying on someone else to hold up my body weight - even though I'm doing most of the holding (if you've done a dip you'll know what i mean). Yet with Said Boy i can do it, it all goes smoothly - after a few tries - and i can dip.
later on the way home my friend (who was giving me a lift) said that Said Boy only acts bossy and like he did at dancing when I'm around. Does this mean I'm a bad influence? Does it mean there's something else between us? Does this mean anything???
but what I've realized is that I'm possessive of Said Boy and a couple of other guys I've known for a long time and who have been single for awhile. It's not just single guys that I'm possessive of it's also close or good friends; i get jealous when they hang with other people when I'm not around and I'm always paranoid that I'm missing out on something. yet... i hope that I'm not and i wish i could stop it. The best i can do is pretend; put on my smiling face and talk my head off and let everyone know I'm just fine and happy for my friends and their new partners/friends.
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