well it's past midnight and I'm still awake. i would hi-five myself (my favourite thing to do at the moment... no to myself though... unless it's necessary) but I'm lacking the energy. However I do still have the energy to write this.
Someone once told me that my blog theme was teen angst. It's probably true. So I'm not going to disappoint:
I have turmoil over two boys at the moment. Drama! One is an old flame, we had a falling out and now he wants to be 'part of my life again'. My spider-sense is telling me to back away, turn around and run as far and fast as possible without looking back. Unfortunately I'm strong but not that strong and i have a desperate need for some form of closure. I am, however, determined not to make first contact. If he wants to be friends he can make the effort.
Ahem...
The other boy is by far the better. He is smart, kind, funny, healthy, nice, caring, quirky, kinky, cute, likes to get naked, can talk for hours with no awkwardness and so on. One slight problem: I have NO IDEA how to flirt with him or let him know I like him without just saying it - which I am not going to do; I've made that mistake before and am all for learning from it. Apparently I am a 'natural flirt' this is not such a bad thing except when you actually want someone to pick-up that you're flirting and they think you're just being normal.
I am also terrified. I hate being rejected (doesn't everyone?) and it seems that that's all that happens when I put my emotions out there. So no more emotion-putting-out for me.
When I think of boy-number-1 I feel worried and concerned and confused and definitely not happy. Boy-number-2, however, gives me butterflies and makes me smile and I'm always hoping he's going to call. I really should pluck up the courage and call him...
It is clear which is the right choice and yet here I am frowning away and wrinkling my forehead; damn. I dunno what it is about BN1 but he's definitely not good news and definitely not a good idea. Actually I know exactly what it is about BN1 and I can just hope that when he comes calling I have the metal to resist. I also hope I have the metal and the know-how to convince BN2 that I have some good qualities and that he should be interested in me... and that he has a chance.
Well anyway even if I haven't resolved any issues at least I've finally posted another blog.
Open to any advice (mostly on flirting obviously... also on how to avoid falling into a hole I just climbed out of)
Z xox
3 comments:
Ah the infamous flirting paradox, yes I too know the frustration this can cause: you'd much prefer being direct about your feelings than engaging in the often-tedious dance of courtship but at the same time you are a natural flirt so inadvertently give out all sorts of signals that you cannot control. Your brain tells you you don't have the energy to flirt, but unbeknownst to your brain you seem to flirt anyway. Blah! And they wonder where teen angst comes from.
I'm much the same though and I left my teens behind some time ago. For some reason (maybe it's because I'm not exactly a meek female), I much prefer being assertive and honest about how I feel rather than engage in a game of sexual/emotional strategy designed to woo a potential suitor in a way that has them unaware that they are being brought under your spell (the dating books tell me this is how it is meant to work, invariably invoking language like 'snare', 'trap' and 'lure' when describing flirting's desired effect).
To be honest I think you are right to go with your gut on boy 1, I've never believed in settling just for settling's sake and if boy 2 is wonderful and makes you gush (as evidently you have) then I think you need to put all your chips on him (plus, his fondness for getting naked is a plus...it actually intrigues me that you mentioned this fact ;) ). Sure, it may not work out and you may have your feelings crushed a little, but if the only option is pursuing boy no. 1 who you believe to be bad news then it's just not worth it. Better to go 'all in' on boy no. 2 and hope that the hand you're dealt is a winner or fold now and enjoy being on your own. It's gambling yes, but you can control the stakes.
I'm not sure if this has made much sense. But I guess I just feel that the good things in life are worth the pain that results if they don't work out. After all, bearing in mind that my current love life has put the cliche-centre of my brain in hyperdrive, I very much agree that 'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all'.
In the interim, you are in dire need of tea, chocolate and girlfriends to deconstruct the situation with.
M
xoxo
got tea, all out of chocolate but i'm pretty sure i've got girlfriends... somewhere. *sigh. strikes dramatic pose* i've decided Boy 1 is a not gonna happen...
thanx for all ur words of wisdom :)
hugs
Z xox
btw the naked thing is something i like about him quite abit :) one day ill tell you all the stories :D
xox
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